So, we had this new idea. Well I say “we” when in fact I mean, “Matt came up with this idea” to review a random game for a fiver. There are a lot of decent things you can buy with a fiver, from fish and chips to one and a half pints of Stella. With that in mind I thought that this could be a great little project. There were no stipulations as to whether the game was pre-owned or not, but I figured it would better to stick with an older game at the full lowered price.

And so, I found myself in a particularly bored and aggressive mood and decided to give this new project a shot. With my crispy-fresh fiver I wondered into my local game shop to rummage through their we’re-never-going-to-get-rid-of-these titles to see if anything would catch my eye, becoming the first of many purchases in what will prove to no doubt be a particularly brutal reviewing section to the site.

Why? Because I feel like it…

And what a beauty I have for you to begin with. At a whopping £3.99 for this PS2 action beat-‘em-up I still had enough money left over for a discount on my recovery beer later. I say “recovery” beer money because, this game, without any shred of doubt is total and utter poo.

You spend your time running around as a whiny action hero of the future who may as well be called Captain Generic who spends your precious gaming time whacking evildoers with a glorified glow-stick that just so happens to resemble a lightsaber (lawsuit much?). However, it has none of the actual cool features that aforementioned sabre has, nor can the guy wielding it do anything but generic slash, followed by mediocre stab. You’re thrown into a world of confusion and lack of tutorial driven start up and expected to go toe-to-toe with the bad guys, and perhaps expecting further to do something, anything that shows off the reasons behind the leads general cockiness. It would appear however, that he simply sounds that way for kicks (No pun intended).

I spent my time trying to get to grips with the section that followed where low-and-behold, the tutorial starts. All the while, I’m getting this feeling of wannabe-arcade and I wish that it had that decent gameplay and lack of storyline that plenty of other arcade games manage to pull off.

The storyline is just bizarre. So to sum up, because I don’t want to give you a nose bleed or anything, you’re the good guy, and you hook up with the good girl who’s had her soul taken and put into technologically advanced weapons by a company called Wisdom, but that’s ok she can talk in your head. You’re going to wonder around picking up lots of weapons made by this lot and occasionally using a powerful charge up attack, with works when you collect seeds…

The gameplay is about as straight forward as the storyline, in that it’s not. Although you get new weapons and can use moves such as pole-vaulting or stopping time, making your way through the game is about as bland as trying to spice up eating cardboard by adding water. The power up attack called Legacy Drive attacks are fun the first time, but upon realising that you’re only going to get the power-up when a bunch of goons are hanging around, waiting to be pummelled, it kind of defeats the object of it all.

So yeah, first game down – try it at the expense of your sanity.