Hahahahaa. Hahaaaa. Ahahahaaha. Hahaa. Arrrrggggghhhh.

This, as you may have guessed, is the strained rambling introduction of a madman. Now, you’ve probably been hanging around UltraNinjas for a good while now (hello all of you!) and have realised that at times I do get a little excitable, but this is different. You see, I’ve been playing Ninja Gaiden 2. A lot. It’s broken my brain.

The proper sequel to the Xbox Ninja Gaiden title released back in 2004 and superseded by a rehash for both Microsoft’s original black box o’ tricks and the PS3 (which Jay reviewed here), Gaiden 2 is a third-person action slash-‘em-up much in the same vein as God of War and Devil May Cry. Superstar developer Tomonobu Itagaki has seen fit to carry on much in the same way with this second proper excerpt from the series (and possibly the last given that he’s just upped and left Team Ninja), which also means that the difficulty level is one hundred billion million miles north of difficult. For your benefit, here is a photo of Itagaki-san that you can print out and use as a dartboard to give yourself some kind of solace throughout the punishment heading your way.

Before I go on, I would like to make this one point very clear so as to avoid torrents of abuse: difficult doesn’t mean not enjoyable. Far from it, actually – I love playing hard-as-nails shooters, I regularly play racing games and simulations with no driving aids whatsoever and I was one of those people who stuck around to kill Yiazmat on Final Fantasy 12. I really do enjoy a tough challenge, and it was with this in mind that I sat in front of Ninja Gaiden 2 and accepted that, even on easy mode, I’d get my arse handed to me on a blood-splattered plate.

As I am sure you have by now guessed, I did. A lot. We’ll move on to the game and how it all works in about 114 words’ time, but to give you an idea of what the premise and setting is, you take the role of mega Ninja Ryu Hyabusa as he sets off to initially save his buxom buddy Sonia, who has been captured by some rather shady types. Having done so during a pretty spectacular opening level, things take a turn for the worse and eventually Ryu finds himself having to travel the world wiping out a quartet of awakened super fiends who are trashing pretty much everything and anything in their field of visions. It’s gloriously silly stuff, and is actually really quite enjoyable to play through just to see what massively over-the-top situation you’ll find yourself in next.

You do this by battling through 14 stages, each jam-packed with enemies to slash through and a number of platforms and obstacles to navigate. The combat system is intuitive and pretty simple; pressing X gets you a quick attack, whilst pressing Y chucks out a more brutal but more time-consuming salvo with whichever of the number of different upgradeable weapons you are wielding. By tapping the buttons a number of times you will send Ryu into a combination attack that can tear enemies apart and send them flying left, right and centre, whilst different combinations of buttons are introduced to you as you progress to give you a selection of special attacks.

This could lead you to assume that Ninja Gaiden 2 is a bit of a button-masher, and on one level you’d perhaps be correct. However, it quickly becomes apparent that, even on easy, employing the left trigger to block attacks will ease your passage if timed correctly, throwing enemies off-kilter and giving you precious nanoseconds to turn the tide of attack against your foes. It still doesn’t take away the fact that you can slash through all opposing enemies via some hectic slapping of the attack buttons, but with a bit of tactical thought you soon find that you emerge from your encounters with more health left to carry on to the next save point. This, given the difficulty, is really rather important.

The way the health system works is also rather clever, employing the ol’ recharging health bar trick but adding in the fact that sustained attacks upon your person actually fill your energy bar with red chunks that can’t be recharged unless you reach a save point or find blue orbs to replenish yourself. Thus, even when you do battle through a wave of enemies and have your bar recharge you are not always guaranteed a full compliment of health to play with, which also plays into the hands of employing a bit of tactical blocking so as to save your precious blue stuff.

The minor cogs in Ninja Gaiden 2’s big wheel also work well, such as having corpses placed around the levels from which Ryu can learn new moves or pick up items, and having a shop that you can spend yellow orbs obtained from defeated enemies on health items and weapon upgrades. As you’d expect with this kind of game you are also presented with a number of secret chests and items that a bit of careful prodding can unearth, so taking your time and exploring each nook and cranny reaps its own rewards.

The levels themselves are a mixed bunch, with hi-tech city surroundings giving way to the Statue of Liberty and surrounding streets, Venice, underground caverns and flying airships amongst others. Each are packed with numerous obstacles that Ryu can navigate with his parkour skills such as wall-running and jumping, but to be completely honest they never feel particularly inspired for some reason and in effect are just a series of corridors funnelling you from one gaggle of enemies to the next. A couple of levels do try to introduce an element of freedom of exploration, but mostly you’ll find yourself moving from point A to point B slashing through wave upon wave of enemies as you go.

Once again, this need not necessarily be all doom and gloom, and the combat proves rather fulfilling. This can probably be attributed to the sheer amount of blood and guts on display; whilst waving his weapons around, Ryu can relieve enemies of their limbs and their heads, and all the while the red stuff (and sometimes green) is getting lavishly splattered everywhere. It’s like a properly fleshed-out Mortal Kombat title in the way the violence presents itself, and with some particularly brutal finishing moves in your armoury it’ll make you wince more than once.

Something else that’ll have you wincing, but not in such a good way, are the wayward viewpoints the camera throws your way. Now, I’ll sit here and happily admit that the often-confined spaces in which you must manoeuvre are not the easiest to guide a camera around – especially given the hectic nature of the action – and keep things in the centre of the screen, but more often that you’d want you find yourself backed into a corner you can’t see or placed behind a bit of scenery that the camera refuses to swing around, leading to all kinds of frustration. During one particularly teeth-grinding section I found myself jammed up against a wall underwater by some of the most annoying fish monsters you will ever see in a videogame, and the sheer number of them constantly attacking me combined with a constantly juddering viewpoint meant that it was eventually luck rather than judgement that I escaped.

Now, returning to the thorny issue of difficulty was always something I was going to have to do, so I may as well start here. You’ve probably arrived at the correct assumption that Ninja Gaiden 2 is a difficult game, and as I have said before it didn’t have to be bad because of that. The problem is that Ninja Gaiden 2 suffers not because it is difficult, but due to why it is difficult.

Take, for example, level 7, in which you have to traverse a plane and bring it down. Having placed a number of ranged attack enemies armed with rocket launchers at a whole number of annoying locations out of your reach and giving you the blandest series of corridors to try and remember your route through, you eventually end up reaching what you think is the boss battle. Granted there is a save point nearby, but there is no shop so the chances are that you will probably be running a little low on health restoring potions at this point. Defeating this boss isn’t easy due to the thing being utterly lethal and amazingly quick, but chances are that you’ll manage it with a couple of potions being consumed.

This is all well and good, but as soon as this happens you are plunged into a cutscene that eventually leads straight into another boss battle. Having used a good portion of my curative items I was thus staring at what was effectively a brick wall, but with a mixture of good fortune and skill I managed to finish the second boss off second time around, only to die when it detonated in the aftermath. Turns out I wasn’t holding the block button at the time, something which the game can’t possibly even begin to assume that you will be doing. Hence, you come to the conclusion that the only way to actually beat the boss is to die trying once and learn your lesson, which is an immensely frustrating way of doing things.

Expanding on this point further, you don’t really feel as if you’re learning something either. Most battles – particularly the boss ones – end up being a case of hopefully slashing away and praying that the boss doesn’t unleash one of its immensely powerful attacks your way, which for most of them is a regular occurrence and something that you can do very little about. Each and every time you die and try again you feel that all the game is doing is telling you that you are getting your arse handed to you and that you’re just going to have to get lucky next time, which in this reviewer’s opinion is not the same as, say, a game like Ikaruga, which kicks your arse but teaches you the patterns and tactics you need to complete each level.

It’s a shame, and it does genuinely detract from the experience. Whereas some games frustrate you because the difficulty ramps up and leaves you feeling well aware that you aren’t skilful enough, Gaiden 2 often gives you the feeling that it’s being acutely difficult for the sake of it, and that it is causing itself to become somewhat of a slog by being rather cheap. You could argue that a few of the latter weapons are good tactical choices in themselves for boss battles, but there’s one in particular that’s so overpowered that you can generally slash through anything and cause major damage without doing much.

Of course, when it comes to difficulty and the like it’s always a bit horses for courses, and to give the game its dues it does have prolonged sections where you feel challenged but at the same time feel that it’s being somewhat more fair with you. It also manages to look really quite lovely for the majority of its life cycle, with some lovely lighting effects and beautiful sections of levels that are really quite atmospheric, such as a sunken coliseum (although it spoils itself with a horribly tricky platform jumping section later on). Having said that, some textures aren’t all that hot, and you will get used to seeing strange splats of blood just floating in midair and the like as you progress.

Hence, summing up Gaiden 2 is somewhat of a quandary. On the one hand it is rather satisfying, with the combat and parkour elements of level navigation feeling really cool. The story is silly, over-the-top stuff that’ll have you grinning away to yourself, and the amount of secrets and abilities on offer will keep you searching the dark corners of the levels so you can get Ryu all of his powers and maximise your attack options. It’s a hugely action-packed, thrill-a-minute ride that’ll have you on the edge of your seats, if you like your positive points in film review soundbites.

What isn’t so good, obviously, is the rather unfair way in which it unfolds at times. It could theoretically end up costing you not only the price of the game itself but for a number of replacement pads, and for those who can’t be bothered to hang around getting their arse kicked for no apparent rhyme or reason – a group that I most certainly identify with – there’s a high chance that you’ll never reach the final boss battle. Being difficult is one thing, but being fair is another and there are far too many times when Ninja Gaiden 2 falls down on the latter point. Whatever Itagaki-san ends up doing from here is yet to be seen, but perhaps the first thing he may want to consider is tipping the seesaw balance between the two a little further back in the other direction and saving us poor sods the hours of pain we would otherwise endure.